See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
its liver damage thursday
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
