a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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