a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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