Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
