someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
