i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize