I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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