would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
