im drinking this country out of the recession.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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