$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
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