Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
