you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
