I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
This toilet bowl is my home.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
