I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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