i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
