You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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