Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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