Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
