Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
