his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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