You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
