nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
