is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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