I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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