If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
