I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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