i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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