I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
