Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
