So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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