what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
