why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
