I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
