I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
