whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
