just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
