piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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