Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
