All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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