come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
