You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
