Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
