I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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