Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
