i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
