Where is the hickey?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
