just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Panties = found
Randomize