dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
