Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
