i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
