i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
