P.S. I can't hear my feet
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
