I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
