She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize