Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Randomize
