i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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