batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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