Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Randomize
