no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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