it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
