He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
