Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
