Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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