"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
