So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
