I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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