I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
