Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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