I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
