Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
We're facebook friends in real life
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
