I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize