the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
