Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
