Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I just gift wrapped bread.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
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