Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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