I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
