I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize