i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
