you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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