yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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