I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
