Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
