Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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