I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
