I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
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