I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
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