I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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