ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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