Do you still have your period?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize