So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
