The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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