Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You dont lie about slip and slides
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
