dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
