I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
