I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Randomize