There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
