So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
