You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
