He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
