when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
