No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
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