forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I party with great urgency now.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize